By John T. Harding
ROUND AND ROUND AGAIN -- "San Francisco is surrounded on three sides ..." To surround to just that, and covers all sides, not just a few. SF is a peninsula, (Latin for "almost an island") and as such has water on three sides. If it were surrounded, it would have water on all sides, and it would be an island.
STANDARDS? -- Newsweek magazine just published a list of the "ten best politicians in the world." Pug Mahoney, the Irish boxer, wondered what the standards were.
THEY'RE BREEDING -- We herewith pass on a list of questions posed to students in last year's GED examination, along with some of the answers. Warning: This could be hazardous to your evaluation of the American education system. Q: Name the four seasons A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight.
FUNNY, OR TRAGIC? -- Q: What are steroids? A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental. Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to adultery. Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. A: Premature death. Q: How can you delay milk turning sour. A: Keep it in the cow.
REMEDIAL ANATOMY -- Q: What is a fibula? A: A small lie. Q: What does varicose mean? A: Nearby. Q: What is a terminal illness? A: When you are sick at the airport. Q: What does the word "benign" mean? A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
No comments:
Post a Comment