Friday, March 11, 2011

Sentenced

HOW LONG -- Through the 19th Century, writers believed in the challenge of being able to keep a sentence under control regardless of length. Henry James, for example, typically wrote sentences ranging well above 100 words. And the opening of John Milton's "Paradise Lost" rambled all the way to 157 words, including 17 commas. The problem is that modern readers have no patience or desire to wade through those murky waters, all the while keeping track of the pertinent thought beneath the surface. This is particularly true of questions. Consider this one, from the New York Times, March 9, 2011:

   "Is the reliance on mass-produced bikinis -- a far cry from the elaborate, hand-crafted costumes Trinidadians had grown accustomed to -- stifling the creative works that have been the hallmark of traditional Carnival, which the government of Prime Minister Kamla Persad-Bisselsar has been pressing to revive since she took office last year?"

This twists its way to 52 words, with a 14-word clause inserted between the opening phrase and the controlling verb, thus burying the key thought (Is this stifling...?). It's certainly true that in print, readers can go back and reread the sentence if they don't fully grasp it the first time. But why should they have to? Moral: Don't make them. In broadcast news writing, you only get one chance to get your message across. Apply the same attitude to print.

(I know, I need a life, doing something other than counting the number of words in a sentemce.)

NEWS ITEM 1 -- Women now outnumber men in colleges, but still lag in pay after graduation.
NEWS ITEM 2-- More men are taking apprenticeships for skilled trades, especially in computerized manufacturing and high-tech fields.
CONCLUSION -- That's why men earn more. Liberal arts degrees don't pay much, and colleges don't teach skilled trades.

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